I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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