one might say we're banned from that church
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
