Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
