you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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