they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
