if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
