At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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