..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
