in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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