Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Sorry my hands just texted you
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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