then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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