What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
