I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
