Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
