we're chasing vodka with high fives
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
