I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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