see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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