someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Come share oat with me in your robe
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
