I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Please don't give away my fajitas
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
