dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
