Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
