I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
