what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
