I swear she didn't look like that last week.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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