It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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