I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
