in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
