im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
