wrigley field is MILF paradise
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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