She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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