Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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