i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
