I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
