I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
