Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
