YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
