I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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