Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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