If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
