im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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