I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
