Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
