Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
