Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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