I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
