she was so not down for the gang bang
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
