I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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