We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
