I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
