I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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