i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
