Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
