he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
